Levitical Law today, Hysterical

Star · Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 4:46 pm Post subject: Levitical Law today, Hysterical

I had to post this, because I just saw how funny it was. Can you imagine? Heres a letter to Dr. Laura who reclines on Leviticus for her teaching. This guy Jim brings up some really good points. Just a giggle for ya Laughing

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I

have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that

knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend

the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that

Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other

specific laws and how to follow them:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a

pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.

They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in

Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair

price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her

period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how

do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and

female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend

of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can

you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2

clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to

kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an

abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than

homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have

a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does

my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair

around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by

Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know >from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes

me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two

different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments

made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also

tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go

to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -

Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family

affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident

you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is

eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Jim

(copy pasted by Star)

Zathrus · Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 4:46 pm Post subject:

That's great!

Phinehas · Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 5:45 am Post subject:

That is funny! It also poses a bit of a stickler for those of us advocating Torah observance. Hmm. Well, I suppose s/he that is without sin may cast the first stone.
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“When they chose new gods, war came to the city gates, and not a shield or spear was seen among forty thousand in Israel. My heart is with Israel's princes, with the willing volunteers among the people. Praise the LORD!” Judges 5:8-9

Star · Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 11:40 am Post subject:

I love Lobster myself (lots of butter) but I'm in quite a pickle over the shellfish deal myself Smile

Star

RND · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:39 am Post subject:

FFT · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:50 am Post subject:

Shrimp is delicious.

The only reason it's an abomination is because they saw shellfish as bottom feeders, which would make them unclean. If we were applying the criteria equally, catfish would be an abomination as well.

RND · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 11:05 am Post subject:

Zathrus · Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:30 pm Post subject:

Pass me the shrimp please. They're delicious! Smile

But back to the topic, these reconstructionist ideas of bringing back all the old testament laws into our day are completely missing the boat.
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FFT · Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 8:25 pm Post subject:

Especially since Romans 14 denies their validity.