Church/religion Jokes

Nobby · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:44 pm Post subject: Don't ever Get Old!

________________Don't ever Get Old
Dear Friends,
It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger.
When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate the way that I handle the situation.
When I got laid off from my consulting job and I took "early retirement" in March, it became necessary for Susan to get a full time job, both for the extra income and for the health benefits that we need. It was shortly after she started working that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age!
I usually get home from fishing & hunting about the same time that she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell, instead I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her that they are not cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.
Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly.
Our washer & dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm willing to overlook it.

Not only that but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker game club or Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.

This gives her a little more time to do some of the odds & ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting.
Also if I have a really good day of fishing, this allows her to gut & scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.

Susan is starting to complain a little occasionally. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills on her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or three days. That way she won't have to rush too much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now & then won't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.
When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to embarrass her when she needs these little rest breaks. I tell her to fix a big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a Saint in the way that I support Susan on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older.
However, guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I consider that my time writing this was worthwhile.
Signed, Bob
Please Note:
Bob's funeral was on Saturday, April 26th.
Susan was acquitted Monday, April 28th.

You ladies remember this one. I don't believe I ever saw such a thoughtful young man!! Very Happy

_________________
Much Love Nobby
CVP Smilies
dictionary Bible

davanthony79 · Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 10:24 pm Post subject:

Her's one I got in an email.:

The Pope and The Rabbi

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.

He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. If the Pope won, they would have to leave or convert.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise, Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever and that the Jews could stay in Italy.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.

The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us.

He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.

He had me beaten at my every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile the Jewish community were gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "How did you win the debate?" they asked.

"I haven't a clue," said Moishe.

"First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger!

Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, we're staying right here"

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Moishe, "He took out his lunch so I took out mine.
_________________
Here I am, Lord!
"Speak, for your servant is listening." 1 SAM 3; ver 11, NIV