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Luvnlife Lion King

Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 1271 Location: US
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Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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Update:
He hung in there longer than medical professionals thought was physically possible. The Dr.'s and his brother thought perhaps he had some unfinished business and that is why he would not let go. They thought perhaps it had something to do with the way he had treated me during and after our marriage. My daughter asked if she could relay any messages from me that might help him to let go. I told her she could tell him that I did not wish him any pain or ill will, that I had let go of the past and I did not hate him or hold any grudge against him. I don't know if she told him this. I did not ask but several hours after I talked to her he did pass away.
I stayed for several days and mostly helped with my grandson and household duties so that my daughter could deal with the hospital, attorneys, the funeral home etc...
I was going to come home on Sunday but my daughter and his family all wanted me to go to the funeral. It was not my first choice because much of our marriage was not good and for the last decade or more since the divorce he had done everything he could to cause problems in the relationship between my daughter and myself. I did go to support my daughter and found that the family was happy to see me and still considered me part of the family. They held no grudges toward me. They understood a lot of what I endured during my marriage to him.
I watched a couple of home videos and remembered some of the good times we had before things went bad. I also remembered fondly some funny or nice things he did while we were married. The bad still outweighed the good but at least I was able to recall some good amongst the bad.
My daughter is going through a rough time and I am trying my best to be there for her. I told her night or day, I am there for her.
My current husband met me in UT and supported both me and my daughter through this. I have the best husband.
I remember thinking before I left the graveyard that he (my ex-husband) would not have liked me being there and coming to the realization that he no longer has the power to hurt me or negatively impact my relationship with my daughter.
I feel a weight lifted but I also feel conflicted because I truly did not wish him pain and did not wish for him to die but I still feel a release with his passing and so I am feeling confused and guilty because of this.
Luv _________________ Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
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lone-traveler Emperor of the Universe

Joined: 02 Jul 2005 Posts: 6365 Location: USA
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Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:17 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Luv,
I've been thinking about you.
| Quote: | | I feel a weight lifted but I also feel conflicted because I truly did not wish him pain and did not wish for him to die but I still feel a release with his passing and so I am feeling confused and guilty because of this. |
I know it's not quite the same thing but..
when I asked my first husband for a divorce I felt real guilty about just walking out on him like that. I could tell that it hurt him and I didn't want to cause him any pain. But living in that marriage was even harder than walking away. There was no happiness in it. Just arguments and fights. This was our "cancer".
And I had to let go or it would have eaten me alive.
He's moved on now. Has a new wife. He is at peace. I am at peace. Really no need for the "guilt trip" anymore. He's not in pain anymore. But it took a little while for the healing to take effect..
Just give it some time Luv..
| Quote: | | My daughter is going through a rough time and I am trying my best to be there for her. I told her night or day, I am there for her. |
It may be rough for awhile but in time she will heal too.
You both are in my thoughts and prayers..
Big Hugs Luv
Love
Lynda |
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Nobby Board - Admin

Joined: 16 Sep 2002 Posts: 5303 Location: Missouri
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Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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Hang in there Luv. it will get better with time.
I know I say this a lot, but "Our God is a healing God!"
You know! That We all Love You, "Don't You."
You have my prays.
LuvUluv,
Nobby _________________ Much Love Nobby
CVP Smilies
dictionary Bible
Last edited by Nobby on Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:17 am; edited 1 time in total |
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atoz Emperor of the Solar System
Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 4189
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Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:42 am Post subject: |
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| luvnlife wrote: | .....
I feel a weight lifted but I also feel conflicted because I truly did not wish him pain and did not wish for him to die but I still feel a release with his passing and so I am feeling confused and guilty because of this.
Luv |
Hi Luv,
Condolences in Love to you and family.
Re the conflicting feelings, here is an example:
U love your dtr and now she's going off to college:
Because of that Love for her,
you are both glad and sad at the same time:
Glad she is going on to great success.
Sad she is no longer with you & that u r gonna miss her.
So Love produces both emotions: as you feeling re your ex.:
So you will feel glad for one reason and sad for another reason---but both in Love.
So like I told my wife this am when she told me she was feeling so guilty and so sad for feeling so good & so glad:
Do you love yourself as guilty?
She said: yes.
Me: So you are INNOCENT of any Hate for you as guilty!
And,
you are GUILTY of Love to the nth Degree!
So Luv, love you as guilty and you are freed up!
Then if I ever came on here feeling gulity, you'd be able to love me as yourself, and show me how to feel good and innocent about feeling so bad and guilty!smile
In the Love that makes us feel sad for feeling so glad, and makes us shed tears for joy, and makes us feel guilty for feeling so innocent, and makes us fused with understanding for feeling so confused,
atoz
Encouragement from WS:
Patience and sorrow strove
Who should express [Luv's] goodliest. You have seen
Sunshine and rain at once: her smiles and tears
Were like, a better way. Those happy smilets
That play'd on her ripe lip seem'd not to know
What guests were in her eyes, which parted thence
As pearls from diamonds dropp'd. In brief,
Sorrow would be a rarity most belov'd,
If all could so [in Love] become it.
King Lear [IV, 3] _________________ "The person who discovered The Law of Love
was a far greater scientist than any of our modern scientists."
MKGANDHI
“Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas.”
Albert Einstein
“Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.”
William Shakespeare, 12th Night |
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Plotinus Lion King

Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 1049 Location: Canada
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Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 9:17 am Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear about the rough time you and your daughter have had, luv. I'll be thinking about both of you and hoping for lots of good cheer in your future. _________________ One would never discover the limits of soul, should one traverse every road -- so deep a measure does it possess.
Heraclitus, fragment 45, quoted in Diogenes Laertius 9.7. |
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pastor2022 Moderator

Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 769
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Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 7:40 am Post subject: |
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May God bring healing and comfort for all of you. May He, in His good time, bring all of you release from the past and into what He has for your future. I shall continue to pray for all of you. God bless. _________________ Faith is the confident obedience to the Word of God in spite of circumstances or consequences. |
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Luvnlife Lion King

Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 1271 Location: US
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Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you all. I appreciate your support.
Luv _________________ Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
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friendlyvince Tadpole
Joined: 15 Feb 2008 Posts: 19 Location: Australia
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:44 am Post subject: |
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| Luv, Have been praying and may God continue to comfort and support you and your family. Vince. |
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Luvnlife Lion King

Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 1271 Location: US
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, Vince!
I appreciate that. Things have been pretty rough for her and pretty rough between the two of us lately. She is angry with me and I don't even know why. She didn't really say. She just yelled and swore at me in front of my very upset 9 year old and I ended up asking her to leave my house.
I called her the next day to see if she was OK. She hardly spoke to me and she has not called me since.
The whole incident came out of the blue. I did not yell or swear at her. I did ask her to calm down and not to yell at me and I did tell her she cannot talk to me the way she was talking to me.
It's weird. I am worried about her. I've spent most of her life worrying about her. I have made attempts to contact her. She doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know why or what she is angry about. _________________ Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
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friendlyvince Tadpole
Joined: 15 Feb 2008 Posts: 19 Location: Australia
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Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Luv
It must be intriguing and concerning especially when you love her that much. But God is all knowing and powerful and he knows what is going on that we don't and will definitely sort things out when we trust in him. God has his own time: Be still and know that I am God.
Dear Lord I pray that you will continue to comfort our dear sister and resolve any issue with he daughter that is beyond human comprehension, and if need be, please heal the relationship with her daughter. You love her very much and let her have complete peace and trust in you, pray for everything around her that things will work out. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Vince |
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