Where do we draw the line?

Veronica Moser · Goldfish Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 63

I have been struggling with an unhappy marriage for several years now. I want a divorce with all of my heart yet I feel obligated to try to change my husband so that we can enjoy our marriage again. But I don't think I can change him. He is very possessive and leaves me little freedom to do what I want. I'm not even aloud on the computer! I have to wait for him to go to work or go out somewhere until I can get on the computer and chat with fellow believers. He doesn't let me go to church either. He thinks that I will fall in love with a Christian gentleman (which he is not!) so he makes me stay in the house all day and night except to buy groceries. even then he makes me bring along my mother-in-law so that she makes sure I do not talk to any men. I am not allowed to socialize with anyone except for my family. The Bible says that I can't divorce my husband. What should I do? Sad

Evee · Moderator Joined: 13 Sep 2005 Posts: 600

Veronica,

One thing that I know is that marriages can be saved w/God's help. It can be very difficult being married to an unbeliever. I do have some material that could be helpful if you are interested. Just let me know.

Veronica Moser · Goldfish Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 63

Well, he is a believer..just not a gentleman.. he uses the bible as an excuse to treat me like im his inferior and he bosses me around and quotes scriptures to support him. im not very knowlegable about the Bible, but my heart tells me that what he is doing to me is wrong. I have been miserable in this marriage for years now and i have patiently prayerd and returned his anger with kindness but to no avail. im about to give up. God said that if we cant forgive eachother than he wont forgive us. well he isnt forgiving me and even though i forgive him for not forgivign me, i am afraid that he is showing no signs of wanting to change. i dont know what to do. what i did is in the past..why cant he forgive me and love me as his wife?

Evee · Moderator Joined: 13 Sep 2005 Posts: 600

Forgive me for asking but what does he need to forgive you for? Depending on what it is, it may be a lot harder for him than even he'd like to admit. If you don't want to say publicly that's fine. We can also talk by PM if you'd like.

Veronica Moser · Goldfish Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 63

Evee, it's a long and complicated story. I used to work as an actress and my hubby was unaware of alot of the work i was doing. when he found out, he was understandably outraged but its been a while and he still hasnt forgiven me and continues to treat me like a possession. i tried to make thigns better by becoming born again and reading the bible, but it hasnt helped.

lone-traveler · Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 3:04 pm Post subject:

Hello Veronica,

Paul says,

1Cr 7:10 ¶ And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:
1Cr 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.
1Cr 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Cr 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Cr 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.
1Cr 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?

There is always an open door Veronica. There is always a just and righteous way out of tribulations and trials.

You feel trapped in a cage and unable to free yourself because of fear..of God, of your husband, of what other's may say..of the unknown.

You are free to go.......................

knowing this will help you to make a good decision. One that is made in peace and calmness.

The door is open......................

as you stand on the threshold of the door..
knowing you are free to go...

ask yourself..
is there still hope?
is there still love to be found?
has it all been in vain?
what am I leaving behind?
Is it worth fighting for?

Only your heart knows the truth.

It's as if your in a battle. And you have been told to stand your ground and fight or you will die.
Or you have the choice to run from the battle and seek refuge from the war.

Sometimes when people know that they are free to go, it makes their resolve to stand and fight all the more stronger. Or it gives them the courage to not fear death and leave the war behind.

You have been in this marriage for a long while now.
Take a little more time, assess the situation, consider your next decision.

I was previously married for 16 years. There was no love left in that marriage. I had wanted to leave it for a very long time. One day..I walked out the door.
I believe it could have been saved if I really wanted it to be. But I had lost all desire for it to be repaired.

It is the desire of your heart which will lead you into the choice you make.

Do you have a desire to make it work?

either way...you are free...

all my heart
lone

Veronica Moser · Goldfish Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 63

oh , lone!. you really got me thiniking. im going to read your posts a few mroe times til it all sinks in . thank you soooo much!!! Very Happy

Veronica Moser · Goldfish Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 63

Lone, you are right! I am free! now that I know that Jesus said that lusting after a woman is adultry, i can feel justified in divorcing him since i found magazines and videos in his closet. its time to take a huge step forward in my life. I knew God led me to this website for a reason. God indeed works in wonderful ways.