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ChristianWoman1
Labrador
Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 300
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 Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:05 am Post subject: I need some help too... |
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I hope I"m posting this in the right place 
ok...Let me explain my situation. Since I"ve been coming here now for a couple months I know a few of you much better now and need the guidance of good God fearing christians...
First a bit of backround:
I am a stay at home mother of 4 children. My husband works a good job ( pipefitter) for several years now and he also has his own business modifying import cars. He has been running his own business for 11years now. He is a Christian, as am I. He use to work his business from the garage in the beginning, but now has his own shop and is committed in a lease of this building for [I think] another 3 years or so.
The problem:
It's a good and bad problem, if that makes sense? I have been going through another spiritaul "growth spurt" since April. I call it a "growth spurt" bc that's what it feels like...I am completely consumed with hunger for the word of God and want desperately to spend as much time as possible in it. I get up every morning between 4-5:00AM just so I can sit here in scripture for a good 3 hours before the kids get up...and it only feels like 10 minutes! I wish I had more time.
The first problem is my husbands attitude towards me these days. He told me [ about 3 weeks ago] that he was jelous of my time in scripture and he doesn't like it. He calls me "excessive"...he gets very annoyed and upset EVERY time he sees me with the bible in my hand and my notebook  At first I just let it go bc we are most certainly on different pages of our faith. He has not come to the place I have with a personal relationship wth God...and I"ve been praying for him DAILY for years and years and years now. But it has gotten to the point where I have to "hide" my desire.
The second probem is his long working hours. He works his normal pipefitting job Mon.-Fri. 7am-3PM...but then he goes directly to his shop after work to continue working on his business until 11pm or even later...This has been going on for YEARS. I feel like a single married woman sometimes...does that make sense? When we had our 3rd and fouth child, who are now 1.5yrs old and 2.5 yrs. old, we discussed his long working hours. I just didn't want the girls to grow up "without dad " like our first 2 children did He agreeed...but nothing has changed.
I believe his heart is so hard now that he's just mising the boat at home
I'm not sure what to do?
Some have told me that as his wife, if he's upset about my time in scripture then my time must be wrong...God doesn't want to place a wedge between us.
Others have told me that God needs to soften his heart and until he does to just keep praying for him.
Others have told me that God placed this hunger in me and my husband should not "put my fire out" if he knows what's good for him.
I just don't know how to handle this anymore.. it's been SO many years...SO many years
When he comes to me with his work problems looking for answers, I tell the same thing everytime..."Go to God, seek His guidance..get your nose in His word" ..but he doesn't get it. I"ve encouraged him to pray..bought him his own bible and journal, asked him to seek God for answers ALL the time....is this wrong of me? How better could I handle this?
I absolutely love my husband completely. WE have been together for 17years [this August]. How do I submit to him when he doesn't submit to God?? isn't he suppose to be the spiritual leader of our family??
PRAISE GOD our 2 oldest children are absolutely FIRM in their faith!  And daily reading scripture as well...
I just need some guidance here
I respect my husband 1,000% as he is a very hard worker and provides for his family. He treats me with respect [accept when it comes to this issue  ] and never takes me for granted. He is ALWAYS saying "thank you" to me for keeping our home and our children well cared for in every aspect.
So that I am VERY greatful for...
But he is NOT on the same "page" as me spiritually and it's getting harder and harder these past couple months.
If you ask him about his family, he will tell you that his family comes first...but if you look at his life you will see his work comes first as he spends 6 days a week wroking from 6AM- midnight. only leaving us sundays to be together.
He is a believer...he DOES love the Lord....but he still is acting like he has to figure out his business on his own. I have prayed for him and with him. His business is struggling.
I believe God has truely blessed him with his gifts with the cars...I really do. He does amazing work!
But..
I don't believe God intended for him to place it before his family.
I'm sorry for the length of this post...I'm trying to get my words out as best I can There are many, many details here that if listed, would take up may pages.
Any adice for me??
How do I handle my biblical responsibility as his wife??
I've supported him all these years...I've kept everything at home peaceful so he needs to not worry about it. I"ve prayed for him...I"ve turned the other cheek and said he should give it up bc he's not happy anymore...but then felt guilty for not encouraging him and NOW..now that I"m in this spiritual hunger, this growth-spurt", I just don't know what to do??
Am I wrong to want to spend SO much time in scripture?? is he right?? am I excessive??
Or is his heart just so hard he is missing the boat??
For the first time in 17years this problem has creeped into our bedroom I find myself not wanting intimacy bc that's the only time we spend alone lately ( sorry if that's too much info., but it's true)
What can I do?? please advise..
again, I"m sorry for the length of this thank you for reading.
_________________
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Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
ROMANS 12:2 |
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eleven
King of the Jungle
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 1561
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:19 am Post subject: Re: I need some help too... |
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| ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
When he comes to me with his work problems looking for answers, I tell the same thing everytime..."Go to God, seek His guidance..get your nose in His word" ..but he doesn't get it. I"ve encouraged him to pray..bought him his own bible and journal, asked him to seek God for answers ALL the time....is this wrong of me? How better could I handle this?
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A few questions if I may?
1) If he's working all these hours, how does he know how much time YOU are spending in scripture?
2) If he is working all these hours when is HE supposed to spend time in scripture?
3) What makes you think you BOTH have to be on the same page spiritually?
Not trying to be nosey, just trying to understand your situation a little better. Hope I can help.
_________________
Pain is inevitable;
misery is optional. |
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ChristianWoman1
Labrador
Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:47 am Post subject: Re: I need some help too... |
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| eleven wrote: | | ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
When he comes to me with his work problems looking for answers, I tell the same thing everytime..."Go to God, seek His guidance..get your nose in His word" ..but he doesn't get it. I"ve encouraged him to pray..bought him his own bible and journal, asked him to seek God for answers ALL the time....is this wrong of me? How better could I handle this?
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A few questions if I may?
1) If he's working all these hours, how does he know how much time YOU are spending in scripture?
The time I spend in scripture is when I first get up [around 4:30AM - 7:30AM] I wake my husband up at 5:30 to leave for work....he sees me sitting here when he leaves in the morning.
I am not in scripture [ most of the time] during the day bc I have 4 children and a house to contend with. I need to have silence and concentrate so it's best for me to study when I"m alone and the house is quiet.
I again am in scripture after the house is clean at night and the children are in bed , around 9pm until...?? well.until I can't stay awake anymore  This is when my husband comes home, late at night...and where does he find me? Sitting with my bible.
I"ve told him I don't spend all day with it, but he doesn't believe me?
2) If he is working all these hours when is HE supposed to spend time in scripture?
I don't know...I've suggested for him to spend time with God in the morning before he starts his day....or maybe in the evening when he's alone in his shop? I"m not with him all day so I don't know how his day goes. I just feel he should make it a priority to spend time with God...how else can he hear what God may be speaking to him?
3) What makes you think you BOTH have to be on the same page spiritually?
well...I don't know? It just feels like there are more things we don't agree on when I"m in one place and he is in another. How do I handle myself while I"m seeking God's and he isn't? It seems to be a problem for us...and hopefully someone can help me understand?
Not trying to be nosey, just trying to understand your situation a little better. Hope I can help.
I don't mind the questions at all! As I said before there's alot of details yet to share, but this would have turned into a REAL long thread.
I hope you can help too..thank you.
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_________________
____________________
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
ROMANS 12:2 |
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eleven
King of the Jungle
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 1561
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:17 am Post subject: |
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OK, well here's what I would suggest.
If you want to do your Bible study while the kids are asleep, that's fine. But put it away while your husband is getting ready for work, and until he is out the door. He needs your attention. Help him get ready, make sure he has everything, spend a few minutes in conversation and love, then let him be on his way. But focus on him, not the Bible or scripture at that time. He needs to know that he is important to you too.
See, this is where scripture comes to life.
The Bible says, wives be submissive to your husbands. To be submissive is not to be his slave, but to be his helpmate as God designed. You are there to support him.
| CW1 wrote: |
again am in scripture after the house is clean at night and the children are in bed , around 9pm until...?? well... until I can't stay awake anymore This is when my husband comes home, late at night...and where does he find me? Sitting with my bible.
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See, here it is again. I think hubby feels a bit left out.
You said you guys don't get much time together, but the few hours you do, your attention is not on him.
| CW1 wrote: |
I"m not with him all day so I don't know how his day goes. I just feel he should make it a priority to spend time with God...how else can he hear what God may be speaking to him?
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One of the toughest lessons to learn is that every one's spiritual journey is their own. YOU may feel he needs to go a certain way, but unless HE feels that way, all you are doing is nagging him. Sorry.
As you said, you have no idea how his day goes. Therefore you don't know what stresses and strains he may be going thru as well.
Do you two talk to each other during the day?
Just to call and say "hi" I'm thinking of you?
You asked how else can he hear God speaking to him.
Maybe that is why God gave you so much time to study- so you could help your husband with it. But please don't shove the Bible or scripture down his throat, he will only grow to resent it and you - defeating exactly what you are trying to accomplish.
1 Peter 3
1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
| CW1 wrote: |
It just feels like there are more things we don't agree on when I"m in one place and he is in another. How do I handle myself while I"m seeking God's and he isn't? It seems to be a problem for us...and hopefully someone can help me understand? |
In karate, students are often asked to teach.
Why? Because it is impossible to teach and not learn from your students at the same time.
Just because you may be a little further ahead in your faith walk doesn't mean that your husband can't teach you with his.
In fact, it seems to me, that your study time alone with the Bible is your course work, while your family and particularly your husband, may be your "lab" work.
It is fabulous that you are so on fire for God. How wonderful! And having that joy is something you can't help to tell everyone about because you want them to have it too. But it's one thing to know it, another to live it. I think God is giving you the opportunity here to do both.
Put what you read into practice. In that way, your family will want to imitate you.
Just a thought.
_________________
Pain is inevitable;
misery is optional. |
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ShardikSon
Bear Cub
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 610
Location: Aux Arcs
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:58 am Post subject: |
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Eleven,
I was about to write something VERY similar.
You are (IMHO) right on with this.
CW,
When your husband talks you about his work, he is trying to communicate with YOU, and values YOUR thoughts. When you tell him to ask God, you can create the impression in his feelings that you are pushing him away.
Listen to him. and then offer your thoughts, and perhaps something from the scripture you have been reading will seem relevant to the conversation.
Perhaps you can break away once in a while during the day, and meet him for lunch between his job and the garage.
And finally, if he were to find you waiting for him with a glass of milk or some coffee and some cookies or a treat, ready to talk a little, when he comes home from the shop at night, he may try getting home a little earlier.
Let God guide YOUR relationship.
_________________
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"Logic is a defined process for going wrong with confidence and certainty" - CF Kettering
“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. “- Mohandas Gandhi
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I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God...
- Isaiah 61:10 (NIV) |
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eleven
King of the Jungle
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 1561
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 7:12 am Post subject: |
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I agree with you whole heartedly, ShardikSon.
CW, what you have to see is, your husband is the one who has the burden of providing for his family.
And what he needs is the reassurance that he is doing a good job, not reminders of what he is doing wrong.
I know you mean well CW1, but part of what makes men feel like they are fulfilling their purpose is appreciation for what they do. That's not to say you are not appreciative, but what he is SEEING is the joy in your eyes when you talk about scripture, then the joy fades when it is just you and him.
Do you see what I am saying?
Put it this way - your man wants to feel like he is the most important thing in your life. Nothing wrong with that. If that's what he needs, then part of loving him is giving him what he needs.
Put down your Bible when he is around----just for now.
God isn't going anywhere. Once you guys are back to being the loving ones you once were, THEN pick it up again with your husband, and I'm sure he will be happy with that too.
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Pain is inevitable;
misery is optional. |
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ChristianWoman1
Labrador
Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:17 am Post subject: |
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| eleven wrote: | OK, well here's what I would suggest.
If you want to do your Bible study while the kids are asleep, that's fine. But put it away while your husband is getting ready for work, and until he is out the door. He needs your attention. Help him get ready, make sure he has everything, spend a few minutes in conversation and love, then let him be on his way. But focus on him, not the Bible or scripture at that time. He needs to know that he is important to you too.
See, this is where scripture comes to life.
The Bible says, wives be submissive to your husbands. To be submissive is not to be his slave, but to be his helpmate as God designed. You are there to support him.
I agree with this, thank you. I just want to tell you that I do this now. I am up before him , I make his coffe, pack his lunch every morning, and set his things by the door....then I wake him up for work. It's not like I"m sitting here with the bible ignoring him while he gets ready for work, not at all. I have about an 1/2 hour to an hour before he wakes up to spend with God [ if I get up early enough, which I usually do] THEN I wake him up, get his coffee..hand him his lunch ect... He's only up for about 10 minutes before he leaves., so yes...those 10 minutes are spent with him...BUT...he SEES my bible sitting here on the desk, open with my notebooks and he rolls his eyes.
Now I will say this... there have been days when he was so angered by my time in scriptre that I get upset with him and probably my body language has pushed him away I can see that now looking back....I will work harder not to let this happen again.
| CW1 wrote: |
again am in scripture after the house is clean at night and the children are in bed , around 9pm until...?? well... until I can't stay awake anymore This is when my husband comes home, late at night...and where does he find me? Sitting with my bible.
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See, here it is again. I think hubby feels a bit left out.
You said you guys don't get much time together, but the few hours you do, your attention is not on him.
Again...I can agree with this. I have to admitt that I have been putting him off lately bc of his "attitude" towards me...I"ll have to work on that, thank you.
But let's go back a few months...before this "spiritual growth" began. I wasn't wanting to sit here quite as much a few months ago, and I was ALWAYS available to him....but he still worked this many hours. It's like he was completley happy until I wanted to do something for myself [ if that makes sense].
He doesn't come home until very late, like I said to be home at 11pm is early....so sometimes I feel like I just need some time to myself after everyone's in bed or I"ll lose my mind...does that make sense?? Our 2 older children are 13yrs. old and 15yrs. old....and now that school is out for the summer they want to be up a little later a t night...well..if I'm spending time with them in the evening after the 2 baby girls go to bed, and thethen I"m with the big kids until around 10-10:30pm....then when do I have time for myself? I hope I don't sound selfish...bc that is FAR from it. I have given up my life for my children 100% and the days revolve around them completley especially since my husband is never home to help out.
So..if you can imagine..now it's going on 11pm and I just need some time alone...and he comes home within the hour. I don't know..maybe I'm wrong...maybe I shouldn't expect any time to myself except the early morning? But on the days where I just happen to sleep in until 5:30AM and then the babies are up by 7:00...I don't even get my shower in
I see what you're saying...I do...I just knew I"d get some wise advice here from you all..thank you so much. 
| CW1 wrote: |
I"m not with him all day so I don't know how his day goes. I just feel he should make it a priority to spend time with God...how else can he hear what God may be speaking to him?
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One of the toughest lessons to learn is that every one's spiritual journey is their own. YOU may feel he needs to go a certain way, but unless HE feels that way, all you are doing is nagging him. Sorry.
As you said, you have no idea how his day goes. Therefore you don't know what stresses and strains he may be going thru as well.
Do you two talk to each other during the day?
he calls during his lunch break sometimes.
Just to call and say "hi" I'm thinking of you?
yes
You asked how else can he hear God speaking to him.
Maybe that is why God gave you so much time to study-
funny you should say 'so much time'..I feel the little time in the morning is not enough
so you could help your husband with it. But please don't shove the Bible or scripture down his throat, he will only grow to resent it and you - defeating exactly what you are trying to accomplish.
I agree with this...I"m careful not to do that, absolutely.
1 Peter 3
1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
I often reflect on this verse ..if only I knew "how long"...I"ve been praying for years.
| CW1 wrote: |
It just feels like there are more things we don't agree on when I"m in one place and he is in another. How do I handle myself while I"m seeking God's and he isn't? It seems to be a problem for us...and hopefully someone can help me understand? |
In karate, students are often asked to teach.
Why? Because it is impossible to teach and not learn from your students at the same time.
Just because you may be a little further ahead in your faith walk doesn't mean that your husband can't teach you with his.
thank you for that.
In fact, it seems to me, that your study time alone with the Bible is your course work, while your family and particularly your husband, may be your "lab" work.
It is fabulous that you are so on fire for God. How wonderful! And having that joy is something you can't help to tell everyone about because you want them to have it too. But it's one thing to know it, another to live it. I think God is giving you the opportunity here to do both.
Put what you read into practice. In that way, your family will want to imitate you.
Just a thought.
and a good thought it is And I can SEE in my children this to be true...as the 2 older ones are most certainly imitators of my faith walk...putting God first.
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_________________
____________________
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
ROMANS 12:2 |
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ChristianWoman1
Labrador
Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:33 am Post subject: |
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| ShardikSon wrote: | Eleven,
I was about to write something VERY similar.
You are (IMHO) right on with this.
CW,
When your husband talks you about his work, he is trying to communicate with YOU, and values YOUR thoughts. When you tell him to ask God, you can create the impression in his feelings that you are pushing him away.
Listen to him. and then offer your thoughts, and perhaps something from the scripture you have been reading will seem relevant to the conversation.
I don't just say "ask God", I just encourage him to take his struggles to God in prayer also...that's all....good advice though, thank you. I will try harder ...
Perhaps you can break away once in a while during the day, and meet him for lunch between his job and the garage.
I call him a few times thoughout the week and ask him to maybe at least come home for dinner...sometimes he does, but mostly he won't. He says there's just too much work to do at the garage. There's always a customer waiting or a car being picked up / dropped off...whatever...I really believe he's a 'work-aholic', just like his father was...just like his grandfather was.
So I have tried to make him dinner and then take it to HIM at the shop...which isn't easy with 4 children! I first have to make it..feed the family, then pack it up, clean the kitchen and then pack up the children [load them up in their car seats...ect...] it takes ALOT to bring him dinner...but I do it sometimes so that we can see him
And finally, if he were to find you waiting for him with a glass of milk or some coffee and some cookies or a treat, ready to talk a little, when he comes home from the shop at night, he may try getting home a little earlier.
well...he won't find me waiting with cookies bc I don't know when he's coming home...but...I see what you're saying. The last couple of weeks I"ve been trying to put the bible away while he's home, but his attitude towards me is as if I"m doing drugs or something...and I have to "QUICK hide the bible, he's home!!" if he sees me with it he gets angry...
But I"ve noticed that when I do put it away when he's home and make him something to eat if he's hungry...he just wants to sit here and look up car parts on-line ...most of the time.  So it's not like I'm taking away "our time"...KWIM?
but still...I will try harder ...thank you.
Let God guide YOUR relationship. |
_________________
____________________
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
ROMANS 12:2 |
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ChristianWoman1
Labrador
Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:41 am Post subject: |
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| eleven wrote: | I agree with you whole heartedly, ShardikSon.
CW, what you have to see is, your husband is the one who has the burden of providing for his family.
And what he needs is the reassurance that he is doing a good job, not reminders of what he is doing wrong.
I agree...but I think my problem is that I talk to others about this [ my pastor at church and now you here] and NOT him. I hardly EVER tell him when I feel he's wrong ever... I think that's why I had carried more stress than I thought back in 2003 when I started having panic attacks. I carried everything on my own shoulders bc I didn't want to burden my husband The only words my husband hears from me is encouraging...overall...really.
And believe me..I don't think that's very good all the time.
I know you mean well CW1, but part of what makes men feel like they are fulfilling their purpose is appreciation for what they do. That's not to say you are not appreciative, but what he is SEEING is the joy in your eyes when you talk about scripture, then the joy fades when it is just you and him.
Do you see what I am saying?
now yes I do...I have to admit there is probably more joy in my eyes when I read scripture than when I"m with him...in the last few months anyhow. I'm not sure how to get that joy back right now...
Put it this way - your man wants to feel like he is the most important thing in your life. Nothing wrong with that. If that's what he needs, then part of loving him is giving him what he needs.
Put down your Bible when he is around----just for now.
God isn't going anywhere. Once you guys are back to being the loving ones you once were, THEN pick it up again with your husband, and I'm sure he will be happy with that too.
again I say...I will try harder, thank you!!
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_________________
____________________
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
ROMANS 12:2 |
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ShardikSon
Bear Cub
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 610
Location: Aux Arcs
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Most important of all, CW.
You have to find a way to talk to him about your feelings and his, in a non-confrontational way.
Hidden feelings on both sides will fester and cause trouble. I know this, because my wife and I struggle greatly in this area.
We are both the type that grew up on our own and before we met each other, we were self-reliant and independent.
The God put us together, almost 30 years ago.
We have often been like two cats who were tied by the tail and thrown over a clothesline.
We often find something one of us thought was trivial had been festering away at the other for quite a while, and finally came to a head at a most inopportune moment.
We are always learning how to deal with that.
(and while she seldom has milk and cookies waiting for me, I know she cares.)
_________________
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"Logic is a defined process for going wrong with confidence and certainty" - CF Kettering
“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. “- Mohandas Gandhi
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I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God...
- Isaiah 61:10 (NIV) |
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eleven
King of the Jungle
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 1561
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:32 am Post subject: |
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| ShardikSon wrote: |
Hidden feelings on both sides will fester and cause trouble. I know this, because my wife and I struggle greatly in this area.
We are both the type that grew up on our own and before we met each other, we were self-reliant and independent.
The God put us together, almost 30 years ago.
We have often been like two cats who were tied by the tail and thrown over a clothesline.
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Ok, I'll reply to this as soon as my ribs stop hurting!
Ok, ok..........i'm getting it together now.......
Geez, that was funny! But so incredibly accurate!
CW1, That's exactly where you and your husband are.
The two of you are blaming each other when actually the problem is the clothesline! (your circumstances)
Both of you are burnt out, yet both of you have needs.
You need your Bible, he needs his work.
Yet most importantly, you both need each other, yet neither has the time, and when you eventually do have the time (what little there is) you are both too tired to appreciate each other. I would say it's time for a change, no?
Set some workable goals.
Let's start here-
Make a list. Think of it as a "wish" list. One step at a time, what would you like to see happen to improve your relationship with your husband?
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misery is optional. |
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ChristianWoman1
Labrador
Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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that was pretty funny Shard
...I don't think we're quite there yet, as we hardly ever argue...but I can see it coming one day soon f this continues.
eleven...to answer your question...the first thing I'd like to see is my husband coming home for dinner everyday at least...so that the children could see him everyday, if only for an hour..THAT wuld be awesome. He gets off work at 3:00 and his shop is only about 10 minutes from our home so it wouldn't be out of the way. I'm just afraid that one day he'll wake up and realize he's missed his children growing up That breaks my heart...
I've asked him to do that already though...he said he couldn't
...hmm...give me some time to think of another one.
I've been ready for change for some time now, I miss him.
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Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
ROMANS 12:2 |
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eleven
King of the Jungle
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 1561
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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| ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
I don't think we're quite there yet, as we hardly ever argue...but I can see it coming one day soon f this continues. |
WHOA!!! Don't be fooled! The worst kind of killer is a silent killer! If you two were fighting, at least it would be out in the open. But it is clear that both of you harbor resentments (just as ShardikSon pointed out) below the surface, and that can be even more detrimental.
| ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
eleven...to answer your question...the first thing I'd like to see is my husband coming home for dinner everyday at least...so that the children could see him everyday, if only for an hour..THAT wuld be awesome. He gets off work at 3:00 and his shop is only about 10 minutes from our home so it wouldn't be out of the way. I'm just afraid that one day he'll wake up and realize he's missed his children growing up That breaks my heart... |
So be creative.
Ask your husband which day of the week is his slowest.
Then pack up dinner and the kids, and go to Daddy's garage and have dinner with him there.
Make it a picnic! Make it fun!
That way the kids will learn a valuable lesson of being flexible, get to see there dad, and maybe dad will realize what he's been missing.
Maybe instead of insisting he come home EVERY nite, start out with one nite and build from there.
| ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
...hmm...give me some time to think of another one.
I've been ready for change for some time now, I miss him. |
I bet he misses you too. Give him something to come home to. 
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MoJo
Moderator
Joined: 31 Jul 2003
Posts: 3397
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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Hmmm. All male advice, I see. I would be asking why your husband doesn't want to be home with you and the family. Something going on there, I think.
Before you solve any other problems, you need to find the unspoken reason why he avoids coming home even between jobs.
You need to press him for the true answer.
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matt 6: 34 "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." |
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ChristianWoman1
Labrador
Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:19 pm Post subject: |
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| eleven wrote: | | ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
I don't think we're quite there yet, as we hardly ever argue...but I can see it coming one day soon f this continues. |
WHOA!!! Don't be fooled! The worst kind of killer is a silent killer! If you two were fighting, at least it would be out in the open. But it is clear that both of you harbor resentments (just as ShardikSon pointed out) below the surface, and that can be even more detrimental.
I worry about that sometimes too...hmm...
| ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
eleven...to answer your question...the first thing I'd like to see is my husband coming home for dinner everyday at least...so that the children could see him everyday, if only for an hour..THAT wuld be awesome. He gets off work at 3:00 and his shop is only about 10 minutes from our home so it wouldn't be out of the way. I'm just afraid that one day he'll wake up and realize he's missed his children growing up That breaks my heart... |
So be creative.
Ask your husband which day of the week is his slowest.
Then pack up dinner and the kids, and go to Daddy's garage and have dinner with him there.
Make it a picnic! Make it fun!
That way the kids will learn a valuable lesson of being flexible, get to see there dad, and maybe dad will realize what he's been missing.
That's what we do now...it's just not quite enough....but I"ll continue with it, of course.
Maybe instead of insisting he come home EVERY nite, start out with one nite and build from there.
I've suggested that too...it works for about 2 weeks then he's swamped at the shop again. He really is swamped, I know....it's been this way for 12 years now...I just keep stepping back and giving him more time, then before I know it a few more years have gone by.
| ChristianWoman1 wrote: |
...hmm...give me some time to think of another one.
I've been ready for change for some time now, I miss him. |
I bet he misses you too. Give him something to come home to.
you're right on this...and here is where I need to get creative I guess
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Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
ROMANS 12:2 |
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